You gotta hit low...

...to appreciate the highs. At least, that's the philosophy I'm adopting at the moment and it seems to be working for me.

I was prepared for the beginning of 2012 to be a hard slog in many ways. Not only was I financially depressed due to the excesses of Christmas and losing a day's wage through the November strike (something I was happy to do, mind), I had to steel myself for the final clearing of Dad's house. I had set aside the first week in January for this and co-ordinated with other family members to help out. The actual process was engrossing as we only had limited time to completely empty the building of the contents and dispose of/keep the items therein as we saw fit. It was only after it was finally done did the upset finally hit and the grieving properly began.

However, by the end of January my mood had lightened - I was not deliriously happy or anything like that but rather a feeling of contentment had settled within me. Of course the sadness of finally losing my one remaining parent permeates every single day, but I feel I am dealing with it better than expected. A lot of this however is due to external factors.

Saturday 28 January was a particularly good day for me. It was a cold, brightly sunny morning and I was walking round Roath Park, taking pictures and generally feeling happy. Thinking back, it had been a good week for me and I had been helped enormously by a couple of wonderful individuals. I had been on a 2 day committee meeting up in Birmingham earlier in the week and in the evening I met up with a lovely guy called Martin who I had been corresponding with through the Tantra4GayMen website. We had a meal, went to a gay pub and nattered constantly about everything - coming out, sex, tantra, union stuff, massage, yoga, work, more sex... I found I could chat to him easily and without inhibition. It was a lovely evening.

Then on Friday my friend Jonathan (one of the most beautiful individuals on the planet) gave me a follow up Reiki session to the one he had given just before Christmas. He noted how different I was from the initial session - happier, calmer, the energies flowing more freely round my body. And to be honest I felt much better too. It may have been the Reiki or just spending time in Jonathan's company that left me on a high that continued into the next day. Here is a shameless plug for his website - Greenfield Therapy.

Since then I feel I have a much more positive outlook (oh and the tap dance DEFINITELY helps!!) and I guess it was working through the bereavement of both my parents that has instilled that in me. There's a long way to go and I will admit I'm not the quickest on the uptake. But with an upbeat frame of mind - and knowing some wonderful individuals - I feel quietly optimistic that this year will be quite good. Well, when you're on the bottom you've got no option but to look up.

Anyway, enough of that. Stu and I are off to see Spielberg's 'War Horse' in Newport tonight; it's highly likely that it will be overly sentimental and a tad slushy and I'll cry like a baby, but who cares. I'm quite partial to that right now.