Okay, it's Friday, about 2.30 and I'm on my way to visit my father in Abingdon. Currently I'm sat in the bizarre oasis that is Leigh Delamere Service Station, home of weary travellers and extortionately priced coffee. Nothing so unusual in that, you might think.
Trouble is I seem to have pinged into a parallel universe.
It was fine until I left work. A short drive to Tesco was in order just to top up on diesel and then I'd be on my way. I pulled up to a pump and selected 'Pay At Pump' as usual. After my details had been entered I attempted to remove the fuel cap. It wouldn't come off. At all. All it did was slide round and round like some children's toy. Exasperated I took the ignition key and pushed it into the hole to see if it was locked. It wouldn't go in. I nervously eyed the ever growing train of cars building up behind me; this was not good.
Eventually I had to give up on it; nothing would move that cap out of the hole that held it fast. The stabs of angry motorists' eyes bore into me, so I quickly got into the car and put the key into the ignition. The key wouldn't go into there either.
Oh shit.
Major panic was flushing through my tightening muscles now - what the hell could I do? A horn sounded behind me. Oh fuck off, I thought, I'm too busy having a nervous breakdown. Eventually with a lot of wriggling (and cursing) I got the key enough into the hole to be able to turn it and the engine spluttered into life. Phew. To the relief of the drivers behind me I pulled away, my face a picture of embarrassment.
I gauged that I had enough fuel to get me to Abingdon so I headed to the M4. But this event had shaken me and I nervously crawled up the sliproad onto the motorway. The heavens opened, lorries flew past leaving trails of blinding mist in their wake while other motorists glee fully put their collective feet down to see who could cause the biggest pile-up first. I'm usually quite a calm driver. Today, in this strangely skewed reality, I was terrified.
I couldn't get to Leigh Delamere services quick enough. And yet sat here, typing this with a much needed coffee at my side, things still don't feel right. I see creatures all around me in the shape of human beings but I know they are all weird aliens. Some random woman just came up to me and asked how I could get on the Internet in a service station. Although I was polite to her, I could see the menace behind her eyes and sense the lengths of tendrils snaking round underneath her human form.
But I can't put it off any longer. I am going to have to quit this consumerist hell-hole and venture out into the curtain of rain. Better be quick too - my car key seems to be permanently buggered and I couldn't lock the door.
Next time I go by train. First class of course. Preferably with a carriage all to myself.
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